Raising Children with Healthy Boundaries

Every Friday over in my free online community Healthy Boundaries for Heart-Centered WomenI host a live Q&A session where I dig into a question asked by one of the members. Last week, a member posed an incredible question about how to raise children with healthy boundaries. 

Kendra asked: 
 I've actually started thinking about how to teach kids to have healthy boundaries (because so many of us didn't get that growing up.) My son is almost 3. We have been teaching him to say stop when he doesn't want to be teased or tickled anymore, and we respect that, but I have also felt like its difficult to help him understand he can't just get his own way all the time and in some situations he needs to respect mom and dads decision. I just am afraid it is confusing to him that sometimes we listen to him and he gets to choose his own boundary and other times he does not. But I guess that's just parenting 😅 you could probably do a whole series on it but I would love to hear a few thoughts.

What an incredible question, and such an important consideration for those of us who are finding ourselves learning about and implementing healthy boundaries for the first time in our lives as adults... imagine the unnecessary pain we can spare our children by being intentional about this kind of thing now?

My own children are only 8, 6 and 2. That means that I am nowhere near done with my own parenting journey, and while we can only hope we are on the right track, I expect that I will only really find out that we are when they reach adulthood if we did ok in this regard.

In many ways then, I am in the same boat as everyone else, figuring it out as I go along.

I do however think its important to realize that while our children learn from what we say to and teach them about life, and perhaps we will have many opportunities to impart wisdom to them as they grow older and their social lives get more complicated, we can lay the foundations for healthy boundaries for them now simply by being on our own journeys towards health and healthy boundaries.

Our children look to us to model healthy humanity. They learn how to be healthy humans by watching and imitating us. In that way, every single time we make a decision that takes us towards greater health and healthier relationships, we are teaching them about healthy boundaries.

With every single investment we make in ourselves, we can expect a return in their lives as well. As we grow in our understanding of healthy boundaries, embrace the responsibility we have over our own lives, and accept that it is not our job to control or manipulate others, we become better parents and model healthier boundaries.

I believe that as we take full responsibility for ourselves, and raise our children to take responsibility for their lives, choices, feelings and beliefs, and as we resist the urge to control them, teach them the skills or pass on the tools they need to exercise self-control and expect them to honor and respect themselves, us and others while modeling these principles ourselves, our children grow into adults who intrinsically honor their own boundaries and the boundaries of others. 

During the live Q&A that Friday, I also shared with Kendra some of the ways we introduce some of these concepts in age appropriate ways in our own family. If missed it or would like to catch up on that - why don't you head on over there to check it out?

All of that is available right here:

LIVE Q&A: Raising Children with Healthy Boundaries  

How about you? How do you go about imparting the skills needed to establish healthy boundaries to your children?

Non-Tox Product Review: Dyper Diapers :)

Non-Tox Product Review: Dyper Diapers :)

Ok so this may be a slightly different post :P But… if you know me you do know that non-tox or low-tox life and products are my jam as much as non-tox/low-tox relationships and social environments are :P

In that vein, I need to introduce my mama-friends whose littles are still in diapers to

I guess I want to start by briefly explaining my commitment to choosing non or low-toxic options as far as is possible. 

At a micro-level, I want us and my kids to be healthy. I want our home to be a safe environment for us to live in. Now that I know that so many of the products in our homes, and that we’ve been using on our and their bodies contain things that increase their chances of getting very sick, I just don’t want to do any of that if I can help it. 

At a more macro-level, my time at World Hunger Relief opened by eyes to the damage that our consumption causes to the planet, and further down the line - the most vulnerable people on it.

I feel that as a person who is privileged enough to make a choice, I should choose the one that will do less harm (to my babies - and to others). I recognize that some people don’t get to choose at all, and that others have less choices than I do. While I do believe that companies and governments should be held responsible for their actions,  I also do my very best not to focus too much on the actions of others if they are outside my sphere of influence (although how I spend my money is influence), and particularly, my control (another blog post for another day). I have no interest in manipulating or forcing people to do things that I think are important. I need to answer for how I uphold my own convictions. And so do you. 

Ok - so now that that's out of the way… If you are in a position to choose diapering options that are on the less-toxic side - outside of them being a healthy choice for your baby and the planet, here is why I think you need to consider my new faves, DYPER. 

1. They’ve Hypoallergenic. 

Ellie has VERY sensitive skin- and the reason why I even tried DYPER is because even the other well-known non-toxic brands would often cause rashes and irritation. We never have this problem with these guys.

2. They’re cheap (er)

So this is actually the real reason why we even decided to give them a go… Hello Bello’s bundles work out to 0.40c per diaper. Dyper’s cost 0.38ea and they are a FAR superior quality. Even when compared to the Honest Brand. They also always have sales - my most recent spend was $36 for 184 diapers. BOOM POW!

3. The quality is amazing. 

These diapers are strong, sturdy, extremely absorbent and  will not separate or go sooooooooooo super droopy (you must know exactly what I mean - that super droopy full-diaper butt just doesn’t happen)(and the inner sections don’t seem to separate or come loose from the cover the way cheaper diapers seem to do). Ellie pushes them to their limits too... just today she went for a swim in it and it didn't burst, and the inner absorbent section on the inside didnt detach and kind of float around inside the shell (am I even making sense right now?) 

There are other things: 

Like that they’re compostable, there's an app, and have a very flexible and customizable subscription service. They have pull-ups as well as super extra-absorbent options - not that we’ve ever had to try those. 

Seriously, they do seem too good to be true - but they’re not! They’re the real deal. If you’d like to grab your own bundle you should visit their website (right now subscriptions are 15% off!)

As a regular customer  I can also send sample packs to my friends! So if you want to put them to the test - You can order a $4 sample pack - I only have 5 of these - so first come, first serve.

Either way - hit the comments and let me know if or why going non/low-tox on things like diapers is important to you too! (And if you’d like the sample pack - drop me a mail -
hello@laurendasilva.org) and I will get on it asap!